I have to admit, that I am very suck at saying goodbye. Farewell. I may have pissed or upset with some institutions, e.g. school, workplace, office, campus. But when it’s time to end the tenure then say goodbye to those places.. damn, it wasn't easy.
Once again, I may have pissed or being upset with them. I may have been treated unfairly, or being abused. But when I submitted the letter of resignation, or when I told the authorized person about my intention of leaving, all of the anger turned into sadness and doubts.
Suddenly, everything seems changed. Suddenly, they looked very nice, everything seems fun, and it was like I questioned my decision of leaving. I felt like my decision of leaving based on emotional rather than rational reason.
“Is this the right decision? Haven’t I put my best effort to resolve all the issues?” or something like “Will I be ok in the new place? Will I find better environment? Can I get along with new friends? What if I fail?"
And when the time had come to said goodbye to all my friends, my partner in crime.. I have to admit, that part was the toughest. Because based on my experiences, I decided to leave due to disagreement with the one who run the show: the management, the bosses, the teachers. But I barely had arguments with my peers. That’s why, for me, farewell’s sucks.
Farewell, for me is when I took decision to follow my head. I had to go to find a better place. But deep inside, I had never wanted to leave. That’s why when my friends asked me to say few words to express my feeling, I didn’t know what to say. I lost for words. See? I am very suck at farewell.
Maybe this is the common feeling in every farewell or separation. But this is just a fact of life. There are always "goodbye" in every "hello". Only a matter of time. We are all gonna die anyway.